How to be infinitely more attractive in 2 steps

"Be forever lucid, Alive to your self"
~The Bhagavad-Gita
"Be yourself. The world worships the original."
~Ingrid Bergman

Ok, so it's 1 in the morning and I just washed my hair and realized that I needed a haircut. It's been on the back of my mind for a couple of weeks but it's really come to a head right then and there. I need a haircut NOW! so what do I do? youtube videos on how to cut my hair! Yeah, I know, it looks like a disaster waiting to happen, but it doesn't take a genius for someone to cut their hair straight. I actually kind of like it, it's simple and straightforward and doesn't look bad.

For the longest time, I was very hung up on going to a salon and getting it done professionally, but they all seemed to give me some variation of the same thing- long layers.It didn't matter whether I went to a $20 salon or a $200 salon, it was always pretty much the same cut. Then, when I was youtubing videos on how to cut hair, there seemed to be a LOT of tutorials on how to get "long layers", it was actually really difficult finding a video on how to give yourself a basic trim. And then I realized something...All these women (and girls) are walking around with the EXACT, SAME haircut! I mean, just scroll through youtube and you'll see the same 10 videos over and over again on how to get "sexy beachy waves", open up magazines and that's what you get, watch the Victoria's secret fashion show and that's what you get- long layers and beachy waves. It's kind of becoming the vanilla hairstyle of the decade, I think I'd almost prefer the uni-dread of the 90s, at least there was some personality and it took some balls to pull that off. So I thought about it- why do all these women want to look the same? I mean, I can understand it when you're in highschool and everyone is wearing Abercrombie and Hollister, but aren't grown-ups supposed to embrace their individuality and isn't THAT what makes them beautiful?

I think the best piece of advice I ever received about my hair was from a guy I dated who knew nothing about beauty or hair. I was in a hurry and didn't have time to do my hair, so I parted it down the middle and just tucked it behind my ears. Yep, that was it, just tucked behind the ears and shoulders (think Monica Belluci in the Matrix hair). Anyway, I showed up to the date and he asked me if I had done something different with my hair, I told him I didn't have time and he said 'I like this hairstyle on you, you look very pretty, it looks very sophisticated and it suits you.". I thought he was just bullshitting me but when I looked in the mirror, I DID look nice. And ever since then, when I go out, I wear my hair down like that. The point is, Kim Kardashian's look works for her and whatever works for her, might not necessarily work for you. And trust me, personality factors a lot into the equation. Picture this, a nerdy quiet girl trying to pull off Kim Kardashian's porn star look. It would just look awkward, desperate, and wrong.
One trick that I like to use when deciding if I want to look like a certain celebrity is, put my thumb over their face and if I STILL like the look and the hair etc, then maybe this could be a possible go.  Remember when all the magazines were saying it was all about the red lip? Well, news flash- Red lip doesn't look great on everybody. If you have fish lips or No lips or bubble lips, then red lipstick just makes it more obvious.

So let me break it down for you, 2 steps on how to be infinitely more attractive.

Step 1: Look around you, turn on the tv, look through the magazines and newstands. Do you see a certain trend? Is it beachy hair? Fake tanner? or smokey eyes? Maybe it's a Michael Kors bag? or thigh high boots? Whatever it is. Immediately make a mental note to put it on a caution list. And if you were already following these popular trends. JUST STOP! Whatever it is that you think looks good or seems cool, just stop and reconsider. I'm not going to go so far as to tell you to do the opposite of whatever is in season (refer to step 2) but whatever assumptions or notions you have about beauty, intelligence, or society. Just stop. pause. and reconsider. Try to detach yourself from the whatever preconceived thoughts you already had. Now I understand that some things are popular for a reason, so I'm not telling you to dislike something just because it's popular. But I am asking you to really reconsider if it fits into your life. For example, everyone has an iphone, and if you actually need one and it makes your life more convenient, then by all means, go ahead. If you are technologically challenged but have one just because everyone else does, then reconsider if you need it.

Step 2:  Think about what you have going for you, and RUN WITH IT! like run, don't walk, and don't look back. Seriously though, what makes you, you? Focus on that. Now this all sounds easy but here's the caveat...As long as it's healthy and natural. Ok, so what is it? Do you have freckles? Then stop covering them up! Do you have crazy curly hair? Stop straightening it! are you very short and petite? Stop wearing heels! Do you  have two different colored eyes? Showcase them! (worked for Kate Bosworth) All these things you are doing to cover/alter whatever is unique about you don't help. In fact, they make it worse. I had a friend who was on the shorter side who would ALWAYS wear high heels. It was so unattractive because it always felt like she was compensating. If she had instead accepted being petite and focused on it, then I think her petite figure/stature would have been cute and worked for her. Now it's really important you understand that you have to focus on your own uniqueness, but that doesn't mean making excuses for yourself. So what I'm NOT saying is- showing off if you have really yellow fucked up teeth. No. that's not healthy and that's something you should work on. Nor am I saying to embrace your skin if you have really bad acne. Another popular one is weight. Look, you may be born bigger boned but that doesn't excuse morbid obesity. No one is saying you have to get down to a size 2, but you have to be at a healthy weight. Remember, health is beauty. Same goes for personality, I had a very nice, quiet, hardworking friend who saw Daniel Craig's James Bond and was convinced that's what women liked- international man of mystery. Look, James Bond is sexy, but imagine if Bill Gates decided to act like James Bond. Yeah, it would just be disturbingly unnatural. One piece of excellent advice that I received was from my life coach, he asked me what I was good at, NOT what I wanted to be good at, but what I was good at. I told him I was really good at going on dates. That men usually always had a good time with me when I went out with them. He asked me why, and I told him it was because I pulled out all the stops on being charming, and he told me to apply that attitude to everyone I meet. Like I'm going to charm the pants off them. What are you REALLY good at? are you good at working out? why? how? apply it to the rest of your life. The concept is simple, whatever is working for you in the most successful area of your life, run with it!

New Clothing line!

I'm originally from Shanghai and last time I went back, I also traveled to the nearby city of Suzhou as part of a day trip. Historically, Suzhou was China's "artisan city", it was known for many artisanal and luxury goods, chief among them was their reputation for producing silk, textiles and dresses. When I visited Suzhou I saw that this tradition still continued with many boutiques carrying hand tailored blouses and dresses in oriental style cuts but minimalistic enough for everyday wear. Fabrics were carefully chosen for their beautiful texture and and weave and complemented each other, I had never seen such elegant simplicity in Asian clothing.

However they were incredibly expensive, so I bought a few and took them back to Shanghai with me, knowing that I could have similar designs remade at one of the fabric markets at a cheaper price. I brought my blouses with me and combed through all the stalls at the market looking for the exact fabric that I could recreate the pieces in because I didn't even know what kind of material it was made from. After a lot of misdirection and near defeat, I stumbled across a stall that specialized in sand washed silks of every color. I explained my situation to the stall owner and she agreed to get her tailor to replicate my pieces if I bundled the price, I agreed, however I didn't want copies of the same shirt, so I requested a few adjustments- shorter sleeves, high collar, different buttons, etc. and voila...the idea became the seed of a thought? How could I bring these styles to the US? There isn't really anything like it here. So I decided...if it's to be, it's up to me! Hence the idea to start my own clothing line.

The clothes would blend together traditional Chinese cuts and methodologies to western office appropriate casual wear. I believe in equal focus on the cut-which is what first draws the eye in any garment, and the materials- the softness, the texture and the details are what makes a garment a favorite. Traditional Chinese fabrics are updated like modern sand washed silk and in muted organic colors, which in combination with clean lines and Asian inspired details lend a minimalist elegance to the modern woman's standard wardrobe. Easily transitionable from office wear to after hours mingling, the soft silhouettes are comfortable and forgiving. A few key pieces from the line such as a blouse and a dress, will lend the much needed twist and allure to the closet of any busy urban woman.

I think most people's idea of Chinese clothes stem from what they saw at the Beijing Olympics- red, bright and slightly tacky...or kitschy tight satin Chinese dresses (they're called qipaos). I think I'm going to attempt to reverse that negative connotation, and I don't think it'll be difficult, because we already love the Asian inspired motifs that Zara and HM put out on a seasonal basis, which is nowhere near authentic or well made. So why not do it right? 

So what do you think? Do you like the idea of Asian inspired clothing that can be versatile enough for both in and out of work?

Buying jewelry in Shanghai

First let me start off by saying that I love jewelry, I have a large collection that I yearly have to clean out to make room for more. I'm not particularly picky about brand names or materials, as long as it's my style and well made. Enter my last trip to Shanghai where I ended up picking out some really nice pieces. Here I'll give you my take on the jewelry market in China and what to expect as well as some advice on what to look for.

 Unless you are an Asian lady of a certain age, most of the jewelry in China will NOT be your style. China uses a lot of 24k gold because jewelry has always been a form of collateral. Up until the 1900s, the Chinese were still using golden ingots and many of the older generations are still mistrustful of paper money, preferring to convert their value into gold jewelry.

 I've never been a big fan of 24k gold jewelry, I think the pieces tend to be a little too blingy and over the top and very difficult to pare with casual clothing. The usual motifs of flowers, dragons, phoenixes are also a bit dated for the younger generation. However like I mentioned above, since jewelry is a form of collateral, such elaborate pieces are often given as wedding gifts to a young bride and groom to start their marriage off.
The center of the world's gold market is in Hong Kong and that's where a lot of the big name Asian jewelry stores originate from- Chow Tai Fook, Chow Sang Sang, and Lukfook.
Generally speaking, most people don't wear diamonds because they are extremely expensive in China (America is the cheapest place to buy diamonds), and 14k gold is very hard to find, but regardless of class, all women own a small piece of 24k gold in some form that they wear all the time and never take off. In Shanghai, a girl's 10th birthday is very important and that's usually when she's given her first piece of gold jewelry for luck. She will also receive nice jewelry when she turn 20, 30, 50, 60, 70, and 80, because those are considered "big birthdays" where the family will gather for a banquet and give out red envelopes.

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What I got for Christmas 2013

What I love about Christmas besides everything that we already love about it (the decorations, the food, the festivities etc.) is the practicality of giving and receiving gifts. Yes, that's right, I think the entire process of buying and receiving gifts is extremely useful and practical.

Yes I know, detractors will say that Christmas is a waste of time and money and for all that you spent on gifts for others, you could've bought yourself that brand new Clarisonic mia2 you've been eying for the past 6 months, but the fact is...we don't. Because every time that we saved our money and are heading out to Sephora to get that new Clarisonic, something always happens- your cat's sick, you have a plumbing emergency, you blew it all on Friday night drinks, whatever. There's no judgement, but it's a fact of life that we always hold off on things we really want and buy cheaper substitutes aka shit we don't really want. That's where Christmas and the gift of giving comes in. It's a way of getting what you want without the psychological guilt of paying for it yourself, because we never really feel bad when we spend money on others (assuming you like the people in your life) and in return, they are socially obligated to return the favor with a gift of equal value (greater if he's a man). Now if you are really savvy, you'll also have a method of passive or aggressively telling people what you want so Christmas morning won't turn into a grab bag of random gifts but the fulfillment of months of yearning.

Lastly, Christmas and gift giving comes at the most perfect time of year- the end of it. Because right after you have New Years which gives you a fresh new start with brand new resolutions, so all the goodies you got for Christmas is put to good use as new gear to star the New Year off with. What better way to keep your resolution to wash your makeup off every night than a new Clarisonic to help you achieve that?

So having made my argument, without further ado, a little peak at what I got for Xmas 2013! Please click on titles to access the link.

1. New Laptop

Pardon the bad pic, it's a brand new Samsung ATIV book 4. I'm still getting used to windows 8 but a new laptop has been on my list of things I've been needing but have never got around to (please reference above point). Many thanks to my lovely boyfriend!







2. New Coat

Not the best quality picture, but you get the point. Coach striped short trench coat in navy and jade. The coat is good quality made with a heavy fabric. Can be a bit stiff and boxy but I've been rocking this the past couple of days with just a fleece underneath so it stands it's own against frigid New York winters. Thanks mom!












3.  McKenna jewelry box and travel case by Pottery Barn

 absolutely LOVE THIS! A large jewelry box has been on my list forever but there always seemed to be something else that needed to be bought and so I've been making do with a collection of 3 smaller boxes where my necklaces continuously gets tangled. In steps my boyfriend with this lovely blue armoire so I can conglomerate all my jewelry in one place.


4.  agnes b. voyage shoulder tote

Christmas just isn't Christmas without a new bag. Last year, I gifted myself the Michael Kors Hamilton in Saffiano leather, and when I visited Shanghai this summer, my cousin fell in love with it and I gave it to her. In return, she got me the agnes b. bag I've been lusting after for months while in China. Truth be told, I was ready to move on from the Hamilton in Saffiano, yes, it is classic, but the saffiano leather was extremely heavy and I was feeling like one of 8 million carrying a Michael Kors Saffiano bag, so it was time to move on. <enter my discovery of agnes b. > I knew about the existence of the brand prior to my Shanghai trip but I've never come across any of their stores in the US, so it was love at first site when I saw them in person. The leather is thick and waterproof yet lightweight and scratchproof. The style is structured and classic, like something Grace Kelly would carry in the 50s.

5. Blue Clarisonic Mia2

Clarisonics are extremely expensive in Shanghai and fakes are rampant in China, so I gave my green mia2 to my cousin before I left and got a new light blue mia2. There's not much that I can add to the repertoire of the mia but I did notice that the new one has a much better engine than my previous one (not sure if it was getting old or what) so I'm undergoing a slight purging phase.




6. Random skincare products

I love Caudalie's Beauty elixir. Again, I gave my previous bottle to my cousin, but even so, I couldn't resist this limited edition bottle designed by L'wren Scott. Does it remind anyone else of something by Tim Burton?

Sweet Bee Magic skin cream, this is basically the cheaper version of Egyptian Magic. Same ingredients, only slightly oilier (think butter that's been out for a couple of hours), Egyptian magic is waxier. I'm guessing it's a difference in concentration between beeswax and olive oil. I'm still pretty satisfied, hasn't broken me out and does a pretty good job of moisturizing.

Kiehl's is really expensive in Shanghai, so my cousin asked me to bring her Kiehl's creamy eye treatment with avocado with me from the US. I've heard a lot about this product out on the blogs, but have never got around to trying it, but when I tried some of hers in Shanghai, I knew I had to get a jar of it for myself. It's creamy and moisturizing without being super greasy, and soothes my tight dry eye area after I wash my face.

Well that pretty much sums up what I got this Christmas. I did get a couple of other bits and bobs that I'll blog about later, but this covers all the big stuff. Thank you Father Christmas!